Anxious but ready

- Smriti Gour

She stood right at the edge

Part of the crowd, yet not

She took a tentative step forward
And that tiny step was hard fought

She dithered
Not one for new things
Or for crowds, or people

Or open spaces and swings
She wanted to belong

Her heart yearned for more

But she was still on the outside looking in

Her mind might be made, her heart was unsure

She felt cold,

Even as sweat pooled everywhere

Her steps faltered again
And she wanted to be anywhere but there

She could do this,

She had vowed

But here bravado has deserted her

And here she was, yet again, cowed
She looked at the laughing people

And the smiles that were free of fear

She was angry now, and embittered
She felt the tears, cold even as they seemed to sear

Maybe another day

She consoled herself yet again

But she had heard this spiel so many times

That even losing didn’t have it’s usual pain

She would be back, she knew

So what if her fear was stronger than her today
She wouldn’t let it win next time

For she had other dragons to slay

She would beat this

All it would take was trying harder

Anxiety might have won today

But what didn’t kill her made her stronger